Your introduction is clear and focused but your first paragraph fails to build on this. You must ensure that everything you say links to the question, try and think how you could include details on time and space in that section on War films (think location, time period, mise en scene etc).
Ideally you'd open with IB as that follows on from your paragraph on SPR, the points you make about Inception is good as you return to the central premise of 'truth' and explain that through the manipulation of time and space Inception challenges this. You MUST however offer more examples from the film (see Ryan's blog) and closely connect these to time and space. As you have both manipulated in this film in order to make both the characters and the audience question what is real you need to devote a considerable portion of your writing to this.
Your section on IB does not explicitly link to time and space nor does it offer clear examples. The film is saturated with intertextual references and other PoMo references. The opening section alone references The Sound Of Music, fair tales, Spaghetti Westerns (specifically The Green Leaves Of Summer from the film The Alamo), Sherlock Holmes. These should form the basis of your writing.
You have two weeks to improve this essay. Take the time to read your classmates essays.
Targets Give clear examples. Always link to the question Use words from the question in your writing Use more terminology in your writing
Your introduction is clear and focused but your first paragraph fails to build on this. You must ensure that everything you say links to the question, try and think how you could include details on time and space in that section on War films (think location, time period, mise en scene etc).
ReplyDeleteIdeally you'd open with IB as that follows on from your paragraph on SPR, the points you make about Inception is good as you return to the central premise of 'truth' and explain that through the manipulation of time and space Inception challenges this. You MUST however offer more examples from the film (see Ryan's blog) and closely connect these to time and space. As you have both manipulated in this film in order to make both the characters and the audience question what is real you need to devote a considerable portion of your writing to this.
Your section on IB does not explicitly link to time and space nor does it offer clear examples. The film is saturated with intertextual references and other PoMo references. The opening section alone references The Sound Of Music, fair tales, Spaghetti Westerns (specifically The Green Leaves Of Summer from the film The Alamo), Sherlock Holmes. These should form the basis of your writing.
You have two weeks to improve this essay. Take the time to read your classmates essays.
Targets
Give clear examples.
Always link to the question
Use words from the question in your writing
Use more terminology in your writing
Argument 6/25
Examples 4/25
10/50